The 4 Key Ingredients to Having a Great Marriage or Relationship

Take two people from different backgrounds, various personal experiences, personality traits and temperaments, throw in the unconscious mind, and mix. Next, tell them that they have to live happily ever after.  Uh?  This sounds more like a recipe for disaster.

I have been married for almost 15 years. I like being married but I know many people who don’t.  When a friend came over last year and said that she and her husband were getting a divorce I felt my stomach drop, “Why?” I said. “A lot of reasons,” she replied.

Relationships are complicated because we don’t know ourselves; but they don’t have to be miserable. Learning how to be conscious in your relationship can be the ground for your spiritual awakening.  Here are four key ingredients to creating and living the relationship of your dreams:

1. Find pleasure in the happiness and success of others, especially your partner. This sounds simple and it is, yet so many people find it almost impossible to be happy for another person.  Instead many people feel threatened and resentful in the face of their lovers accomplishments.  They think, “Well what about me?” Or  “What about my needs?” Or “They don’t deserve happiness.”   It is your nature to celebrate the joys and accomplishments of others.  Express it!

2. Give happiness without strings.  This is directly tied to number 1. You have the ability to create happiness for others but only if your giving has no strings attached.  As long as you give because you want to be appreciated then your giving is a form of manipulation.  When you give, give spontaneously and from the heart.

3. Replace competition with cooperation.  I was a very stressed-out new mother. Often when my husband would come home from work I would give him a list of all the things I had done that day…shopping, laundry, dishes, caring for the baby etc…. One day while listening, he took the baby from my arms and said, “I know that you do a lot, I can’t compete with you.”  Ding, ding, ding! I was competing with him.  A relationship cannot survive competition because in order for one person to win the other must lose.  When you are invested in your partner’s happiness you will find ways to create win-win situations.

4. Enjoy your own company.  Being in a happy relationship doesn’t mean that you have to be in each other’s pockets.  Enjoying time with yourself builds self-esteem and makes you more attractive and interesting to your partner.  It also combats neediness and resentment.  It is not your partners responsibility to like you, it is your responsibility to like you. And you are fabulous!

I hope that you enjoyed this post.  I pray that you find the happiness that you deserve in life.

It’s okay to leave a comment ;-)



2 thoughts on “The 4 Key Ingredients to Having a Great Marriage or Relationship

  1. Fred Duenas says:

    Finally taking a minute to respond about your talk. Your talk on Jane Goodall was really enjoyable. Vicki and I thought it such a treat for a Sunday.

    A few words about the four key ingredients … Vicki and I have been practicing this for almost 33 years since we got married.

    Thanks for what you do.

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